Child Support....

Any parent who raises a child and is supposed to get child support deserves not only the actual money but we deserve a support of the government in getting that money.
Why is it that the custodial parent had to fight and search and call and take time off from their jobs to get information?
Please note that I am not only referring to the mothers in this rant, any father who collects support has the same issues. I am also not bashing the parents, just the system in place tat is meant to help us.
My ex-husband is in arrears of close to $40k. I have a close friend who's arrears are closer to $80K.
The parent who is responsible to pay no longer lives in the same state as the case. Which means an enormous amount of red tape.
It is us, the custodial parent, struggling with money alone, who has to appear at the court house to file a petition, take time off of work to go to the law office, wait for one state to talk to the other...
All in the hopes that things can get done.
And then you wait... And wait... And wait...
Arrears grow
No one does anything
No phone calls or emails...
How do you enjoy the summer when you have no money?
How can you do anything other than the park?
What happens when it comes down to no food in the house...
Who is there to help?
Where do you turn?
I make too much money for state assistance. I would get a second job, but what would be the point when all of those earning would pay for a babysitter while I was there.
Who can you even get advice from without them wanting to get paid?
I'm not looking for handouts. Just a fair fu#%ing shot..

Other people perceptions

It's really easy for people to pass judgement. They don't know what each and every day entails. If I told them they would think all I want is sympathy. Either that or I wanted to be the friend that we all have, with the life that is worse than everyone else's.
That's not me.
I sit in semi-silence. I complain enough that people know things aren't well, but not clear enough or loud enough for them to know just how bad.
Maybe this is where I started to screw up. I don't flaunt my issues. I tend to hide them. I don't call my friends. I don't write them e-mails.
I really don't want to be THAT friend.
Now it seems I've lost them.
Maybe they perceive that everything is ok and I'm just cutting people out because I can.
Maybe they perceive that things are that bad I don't want anyone.
Who knows.
I just don't know who my friends are anymore.
I don't even know if I have any left at all.

Other moms...

Being in a hole of depression after years of fighting for custody, child support and eventually divorce, is something I would expect from someone. Yet, I don't know how many others get it.
The single moms I know get it, for the most part. I don't know any other woman who have had to do it alone, completely alone.
Yes, my family has been a huge help. Just to get things done. But there have not been any extras.
I think I have lost some of my friends.
I don't know if they understand. I don't know if they care.
I have shut myself out. Not completely intentional.
Who wants to be the one in a group of friends, to be the depressing one? The one who isn't going anywhere? Who can't do anything?
I know I don't want it to me be.
No one wants to hear about the interstate legal battle for child support. No one gives a crap that I haven't seen money in a year and a half. I don't need to see the sad looks when I answer "no, he hasn't spoken to his son in almost a year. And no he doesn't even try".
They tell me they understand how hard things are. They compare their situations with mine.
I will NEVER deny that we all have our problems. I will NEVER say mine are worse. But please don't compare your raising your kids with your husband to my raising my son alone.

Fathers day gone

As parents, there are days we all look forward to. Mothers day & fathers day are just examples.
Fathers day brings many issues to my mind. My relationship with the sperm donor came to a nasty head several years ago on fathers day. This is also the time when I get the most questions about the "father".
While I would love to say "baby, your father is a worthless excuse of a human being who is nothing but lazy and full of excuses" I really don't think that would be a great idea to say to my four year old.
It comes down to "baby. Your father is far away.".
It took many long hours for me to decide how to approach the father situation.
When he left me, I told him I would not come between him and our son. That eventually had to change. He never called. He didn't even speak to me let alone my son. So I gave him a choice. He could make an effort to consistently contact Chris or he couldn't contact him at all.
That never happened, and I still gave in. I would let him talk to Chris every once in awhile just to make father happy. I was actually hoping it would push him to get a job.
I was really kidding myself. The only thing that happened is that my son would have nightmares and wet the bed during the nights he spoke with his father.

Transition day

If all works out for me, I will finally have my maiden name and no longer need to use the name I took.
As soon as this is done, the next step is my sons name.
I do understand that this is a bit unconventional, but so is my life.
I will say this, the ex wasn't too bad about giving permission. We actually agreed to use both last names, just push his back to a second middle name. Fine by me, no one pays attention to that anyway.
No, I don't feel any remorse or guilt in doing this either. It has the been the hard work, emotional support and financial support that has gotten us through the past few years.
I'll let you know what happens when I get out of here ... Fingers crossed...

Bitch session ...

Google "assistance for single
Moms" and a bazillion websites come up. Maybe 10 are actually meant to help. The rest want a credit card to confirm your information, or your email address to spam your email with nonsense about money or other crap.
I found cafemom.com and there are a great amount of women on that site, but I find the information very random.
NYC is very particular about certain things.
Example- if you are born in one of the five boros, you MUST deal with that counties social security office even if you just need a replacement card?
Or.. The same goes if you are in need of any kind of assistance. You can only go to that county office.
You can imagine what the lines look like on a day to day basis in these offices. I also have a new found respect for the people who work there. I'd be grumpy too....
I'm in the process of getting my paperwork together to get my new drivers license in the morning.
I would have exchanged my old Texas license ages ago, but one of NY's wonderful little snags, I needed to have proof of the date of issue on my license.
Yes, that's right Date Of ISSUE...
Since Texas doesn't put it on their licenses, I had to get a copy of my records from Texas.
Let's just see how it goes in the morning.

BOY am I random...

I do need to look into any kind of legitimate assistance for single mothers they have out there.
I haven't gotten child support in over a year, the state is helping, but if the SOB doesn't have a job, what can anyone do.
Got some credit cards, but they are all maxed and can't pay them off.
Trying to find at home legit work. If I come up with anything, I'll pass it on.
Right now, I have found Pintrest, this amazing web board site, where I am getting a million DIY and cost cutting ideas!
Next, on the look out for a single mom support group... Still haven't found one I click with yet...
I gotta keep trying...
Well, I've gotten a bit off my chest for the night. Now that I have this on my phone, it'll be easier for me to update . I'm kind of excited to see where this could lead...
Have a good night!

Gotta get in gear....

I keep saying I need to write every day.  I should, its healthy.  But life being as it is, I can barely get the time, let alone remember the password for my account.. 
WOW ..  

So, I'm in the new place.  Still not unpacked.  My son is trying to find his toys in boxes and crates. 
I'm half tempted to not even bother to finish unpacking.  I NEED OUT.
I got pushed into this shoe box of an apartment because my old landlord needed the apartment I was in for his daughter who's husband left HER and her kid.   Too much of a familiar story.
I'm starting to look, but there are so many things to think about....  my son is supposed to start kindergarten this fall.  If I move to Nassau county, he may not fall in the age bracket to be able to start. 

But, that's a small part of my problems. 

The money to move is one....

Money seems to be a HUGE issue for almost everyone I know.   Sometimes, it makes me feel better to see my friends, with two incomes, have financial problems as well.  Obviously the problems are not the same type of problems, but they are problems....

Is that petty of me?  I don't think so....

The financial cycle is one that I wish I cold stop, but it's moving way too fast.

You have no money, so you borrow money or get credit.  Eventually you cant pay that back, so you borrow more.  You expect to get money from a source (in my case - child support), but the dead beat loses his job and you get nothing, and you borrow more.... 
You get my point....

I try to find legitimate jobs to do online at home at night.  KEY WORD - LEGITIMATE.
Maybe its just me, but I don't see why I should pay anyone in advance for a "kit" when I am just going to be making them money down the road.  I'm also supposed to believe that this is a GREAT OFFER.
Really????
Started an Avon business...  between the move and my son, I had to slow down temporarily.  I can pick it back up but for now....

I have already shut out most of my friends while I have been embarrassed and in a hole of shame.


Well, on that very pathetic note...  Ive rambled enough for today.....I'm going to be back tomorrow...  I promise...

Back...

Most will understand just how crazy things can get on an average day.  We were recently asked to vacate our apartment, so we have had to find a new place to live.  Usually that would be a task in itself, but no.  I had to have restrictions. 
I had to stay in Brooklyn because my son is still in Day Care until he starts Kindergarten in September.  I don't really want to change him around twice on top of the new home.
THEN...  He already had applied to Kindergarten, and didn't want to leave the school zone.  Its a great school and I really didn't want to have to try to get him in to another NYC school....
 All of this being said, I took off the restrictions.  Got a place (that I really don't like) and will move.

I have to look at this as a cleansing.  Leaving the home that I was intending to make with the man who couldn't handle this life and left.  Purging the clutter that I have surrounded myself with.
Starting with new white walls and empty floors.

Even if its just for a few months.  Which I really hope it is.  We need a good start.  You never really know how much STUFF can just weigh you down until its spread out in front of you.

This is also one more way for me to purge.

I really don't think anyone is even out there reading this.  Its for me.  Its for my son. 
Thoughts I have that I don't really know how to say to anyone, or even think to talk about.

Im hoping that in the next few days, this becomes more of a transformation that what seems to me as a bitch session. 
Im moving this weekend, so I think the leaf will be completely turned by Monday. 

Take a chance on me & with me.  Maybe This can be something .....

Kindergarten registration

I started my day getting my baby ready for Kindergarten.  You reflect on how you have raised your child, and what they are becoming.  In one moment I realized, that while I have assistance, I raised him alone.  I can be the proud one and I will be the only one to blame.  That realization wasnt one of my better moments.  Its always nice to be able to blame the bad stuff on someone else.

Sometimes its the small things and easy days when being a single parent is most apparent. 
I love being in the shower, and I am interupted because the TV show that was on has ended.  I love when I just fall asleep and get tapped awake because there was a sound.  Then there are the times where I get fought because he doesnt want to go into the girls bathroom with me. "Im a BIG BOY!!!"  yeah, I know...  all too well...

Jumping in Feet First

Let me start by introducing myself.  My name is Kate and I'm a thirty-something in Brooklyn, NY with a 4 year old son.  I have a full time day job, and am raising my 4 yr  old son Christopher by myself.
We have been on our own for almost three years now. 
While my story is far from unique, I think it is not one that most people think about. 
Before any questions are asked...  no the Father is not in the picture. 
He moved back to his home state of Texas and has not made the effort to see or talk to his son. 
Yes, for three years I have tried to get him to do something, anything, but it hasn't worked.

If anyone actually reads this, I hope I get your attention enough to follow along this insane path of life with me.

I'm not actually starting this for anyone but myself.  Lets consider it my diary... 
I just hope any of the multiple experiences I go through in my increasingly insane life can help, assist or even entertain you.  I mean, Im a middle class, divorced mother of a young boy..   That in itself should keep you coming back.

With all of that being said... I am hoping you stay tuned