Another day...

I can't be the only one....

There are days where I just wish I could walk away from it all. Days where I wish I could hand over my son to the dead beat sperm donor who calls himself a father.
I look at Chris, and know that doing that would destroy him.
There are days when it feels like being a single mom is destroying me. Little by little.
Money is always a factor in any life. Being a single parent just multiplies that factor. It is them grossly multiplied if you do NOT receive financial support.
It is now just over two years since my ex has lost his job. He has told me that his unemployment has run out. He has told me that there are simply no jobs available where he lives.
I have gone so far as to send him information from my own friends & colleagues regarding jobs in his area.
So I continue to go without any assistance from him.
I have left it all in the hands of the great states of New York & Texas to handle this. With absolutely no surprise, I am now on my 5th "we were told they are verifying employment, and now we wait 3-4 months for a response from Texas" from NY.
The arrears for my case continues to grow. It is now becoming a nice sum of money that myself or my son will never ever see.
I have continued to get financial assistance from a private source, putting them in a bind as well.
I keep hoping I can do something so I can repay the generosity..

But I went off on the financial tangent again.

This just happens to be my biggest thorn. I think if I wasn't so stressed all the time, my wonderful, adoring son would have never come up with my newest nickname "cranky pants". Gotta love the mind of a five year old.
Gets even better when he tries so hard to make me laugh and then tells me that he doesn't want me to be in a bad mood.
He really puts himself out there some days.
That's when I know we would both be completely devastated if he wasn't with me. He also wouldn't be the affectionate caring, loving soul he is if he lived with that man.

Well, affectionate, caring & loving until he fires me again....

Just another vent session. My apologies to those that I'm boring.
Have a great night....

Child Support System

I have now been dealing with the Child Support system in N.Y. for 3 1/2 years.  I have actually received support for one of those years.  The first 6 months, he refused to give me anything.  Then the Judge had his wages garnished.  Then he lost his job almost a year to the day after that settlement. 
He hasn't had a job since.  If you have read my posts so far, you will know that he took off and moved back home to Dallas, TX in July, 2009. 
That takes Child Support issues to a whole other level.  The INTERSTATE level.
Now, most people think that Child Support is handled by the Federal Government.  That is not true. 
Each state continues to have their own regulations and procedures when it comes to support.
As with any government agency, there are levels and procedures to follow, and a chain of command that must be followed.  It would just be nice to know these steps in advance. 
Child support should not be a learn as you go process in life.
I spent an entire day, in January 2012, at the NYC Law Office to begin the process for my Interstate Child Support Case.  Mind you, He had already been out of work for a year, and I spent that year asking "WHAT CAN I DO"?  No one ever said I needed to file the interstate paperwork and with whom.
So I go to the Law Office, meet with Lawyers, and sign a bunch of forms, and am told we should have something in about 6 months. 
Great 6 more f'in months...

So in six months (yes, I waited six months to the day) I called the law office and followed that with an e-mail.  A few days later, I was called back and told that Texas had received the paperwork, but they have not yet processed it yet.  Call back in about 2-3 months.....

Yeah...  2-3 months    (Ex-hubby still out of work....)

Texas finally assigned a case number and have been working on trying to "find him" in their system.  HOW HARD IS IT TO FIND SOMEONE WHEN YOU GIVE THEM EVERYTHING?????

I called the state of Texas.  They cant speak to me.  I have to go through NY.
I call NY and they tell me they are waiting on Texas. 

Would you believe I spoke with the NY Law Office yesterday and Texas says they have a possible employer listed, and they need to verify it, so give them another 2-3 months.........
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

My ex is now almost $50k behind, and I still cant do anything about it? 
Would you also believe that he actually asked me to forgive the arrears because he wont be able to pay them back?????

If he was a solid father, spent time with my son, and helped me to raise him, then maybe..  but you run off, never call, never ask and you want me to forgive the arrears?
How the heck do you think I have been financially taking care of my son?  Paying for his clothes, his food, rent and of course day care.

I guess its just more of a waiting game.  In the mean time, I'm going to see what else there is that I can do to push this.  I have to keep trying or else I am going to go crazy...

Curiousity....

They say curiosity killed the cat...  Well, I'm ready for it..
I'm curious if people are actually reading my rantings.  If I help anyone.  If anyone feels the same way.
I know that I am putting this out there without any hopes or dreams of becoming famous, but I guess I would like to have some validity to my thoughts.
Leave a comment, send an email...  something, anything..
If you read this, see it, glance at it...
If there is something you would like me to talk about..... you want to hear about...

Just let me know.

I'm looking forward to it

Sometimes...

My parents were awesome enough to take my son for the weekend. I went to pick him up this morning. Two hours of huggy kissy lovey son who missed his mommy. Not much later, he quits, I'm fired, I have to go away he doesn't love me.
Is it so wrong to wonder if still being his parent is the right thing to do? Is it so selfish to think about how nice things are when I'm alone?
I guess not. It may even be common. It's one of those thoughts that no one will ever talk about.
I love my son. I missed my son. I don't think anyone else could come close to loving him and caring for him like I do. Every once in a while it is kinda nice to wonder off in a day dream, and just be me. Not Christopher's Mommy, not mom, just plain Kate.