Other people perceptions

It's really easy for people to pass judgement. They don't know what each and every day entails. If I told them they would think all I want is sympathy. Either that or I wanted to be the friend that we all have, with the life that is worse than everyone else's.
That's not me.
I sit in semi-silence. I complain enough that people know things aren't well, but not clear enough or loud enough for them to know just how bad.
Maybe this is where I started to screw up. I don't flaunt my issues. I tend to hide them. I don't call my friends. I don't write them e-mails.
I really don't want to be THAT friend.
Now it seems I've lost them.
Maybe they perceive that everything is ok and I'm just cutting people out because I can.
Maybe they perceive that things are that bad I don't want anyone.
Who knows.
I just don't know who my friends are anymore.
I don't even know if I have any left at all.

Other moms...

Being in a hole of depression after years of fighting for custody, child support and eventually divorce, is something I would expect from someone. Yet, I don't know how many others get it.
The single moms I know get it, for the most part. I don't know any other woman who have had to do it alone, completely alone.
Yes, my family has been a huge help. Just to get things done. But there have not been any extras.
I think I have lost some of my friends.
I don't know if they understand. I don't know if they care.
I have shut myself out. Not completely intentional.
Who wants to be the one in a group of friends, to be the depressing one? The one who isn't going anywhere? Who can't do anything?
I know I don't want it to me be.
No one wants to hear about the interstate legal battle for child support. No one gives a crap that I haven't seen money in a year and a half. I don't need to see the sad looks when I answer "no, he hasn't spoken to his son in almost a year. And no he doesn't even try".
They tell me they understand how hard things are. They compare their situations with mine.
I will NEVER deny that we all have our problems. I will NEVER say mine are worse. But please don't compare your raising your kids with your husband to my raising my son alone.