When "Daddy" isn't around....

We now all know that child support has been an issue.  We all know that "daddy" isn't around.  When every other sentence out of my son's mouth has to do about "daddy", who knows any thing....
"My Daddy used to play (X) game with me".
"My Daddy takes me to the park."
"My Daddy talks to me all the time".

He is brought up so often, that his school asks when they see each other.

My response is usually that his father is far away.  That we have no way to get in touch with him.
The older my kid gets, the more intricate the questions get.

The last one was if I had his phone number and could we call him.  Talk about breaking my heart.
I would love it if someone could possibly give me some kind of clue about how to deal with this.  I'm completely at a loss.   How many times do you think a 5 year old will be ok hearing, "Baby, he's just far away" or "He didnt leave you baby, he had to go home to his mommy & daddy".

Having an answer as big as a billboard would be wonderful!  We know that would never happen.  It would just be nice for something to come to me and help me figure out the really difficult things that make up our lives....

The "talk" that I dread....

So, as a mother, I really am not looking forward to having to discuss s.e.x. with my son.  I'm not bothered about it, or embarrassed.  I'm just expected that conversation later on.... 
He knows the differences in boys bodies & girls bodies.  He knows the right names for everything.
So like I said, just waiting for the whole conversation to happen.
BUT Out of left field last night, I get ...
"Mommy, if girls have boy babies, do boys have girl babies?"

Wow....  then I think, that's actually some good logic for a 5 year old....

Then I think "Oh crap!"  How do I answer this?????

Out of no where, I come up with "girls have a special belly for babies, and boys don't have that belly".  he looks at me like I have ten heads and says "No Mommy, you're lying!!!" 
I offered to get Nana & Pop Pops input, and had him call them.  He should believe them....
Nana gets the same question....
"Nana, if girls have boy babies, do boys have girl babies?"

After getting her laughter under control , and me taking the phone to tell her that yes he is very serious about this, she responds.

"No Chris, boys don't have the right bellies for babies"

After he laughs for a second,,  he looks at me and looks at the phone and we get

"NANA  YOU'RE LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!  "

I guess the talk will be saved for another day...   thankfully!  and just maybe he can have that discussion with Nana...

When "Daddy" gets mentioned....

My sons sperm donor left when Chris was 18 mths old. I truly believe that my son can remember bits and pieces of his father. He remembers everything else. I left a couple of pictures in his room of his father holding him, so he saw that his father loved him. At least once upon a time.
Lately, my son talks about his father as if they hung out last week, or talked on the phone a few hours ago.
He has used his "daddy" as ammo against me... "My daddy loves me more than you do" or "I want to live with my daddy".
While I know these statements to be completely untrue, it's like a hot knife right through the heart. Every time he mentions his "daddy".
He has also said that he hates that his "daddy" left us. This kid is way too smart.
I'm not one of those bitchy ex-wives that complain and bitch and moan about their babies daddies.
Yes, I hate him for everything he has done to us. I hate him a little more each time my son cries to me about his "daddy". I do my best to not say anything negative around Chris. I don't really talk about him at all. When Chris brings him up, I just let him know that his father had to leave for himself and in no uncertain terms did it mean that his "daddy" doesn't love him.
My stomach turns each time I say it, but he doesn't need to know any different.
I wish I had a better idea of how to handle the whole "daddy" thing. I guess only time will tell me what the right way to handle it is...

For those of you who actually read this, thanks for taking the time to read the ramblings of a very confused mom..
Maybe soon someone will write back, maybe start a conversation....
If not, at least I get it off my own chest, and maybe just one person reads this and knows that she or he are not alone...

Kindergarten registration...

Just sitting here with a couple other families waiting to do this registration thing. The school must either be the best school in the work or in need I work to give people. There are approximately 20 forms I needed to fill out AND THEN because I rent, my landlord had to fill out a couple things too...
I'm surprised I didn't need to submit blood and urine samples...
This is honestly a huge hassle. In NYC I needed a few items, birth certificate, bill with my address, medical forms... But that was it. I was done.

I have a inch thick stack of forms that honestly are not even completed.
I have no idea if this will even work, but I'm going to try. If not I hope they will at least give me another couple of days...
I mean... I had three weeks... But this is really that insane...
I'll let you know what happens....