I have also figured that writing this blog, even if no one ever reads it, can be very cathartic for me.
I know I'm not the only parent who feels the way I do, and I know that we all go through this. It is just that when you are in the middle of it, you feel so alone....
When we moved, Chris was not able to go into kindergarten as planned. He missed the wonderful cut off that the Village of Valley Stream has for their kindergarten classes. He has been in his second year of Pre-k, and despite my concern, he is doing very well.
I am one of the few very lucky single parents that have family that can assist. Not only financially, but supportive. I don't know what I would have done without, especially the past few months.
The person who donated the sperm, AKA the father, has not been present. Still. He has not even been financially responsible. Still.
He has been out of work for two years, and claims there is NOTHING he can get. So we continue to move on with out him.
Christopher turned 5 on December 19. It seems as if a switch was flipped. Between his birthday and the holidays, and I'm sure school is talking about families, the discussions of Daddy have come up frequently. All I've told him so far is that Daddy is far away, and we cant see him. To be fair, Daddy lives in Texas, so this is a clear truth. Chris does know that his father lives in Texas, and he also has a half brother. He has actually spoken to his half-brother more then his own father.
For now, I just take the frustration and confusion that my son feels, on my own shoulders. Constantly listening to, "My daddy loves me", "My daddy takes such good care of me", "My daddy is better than you are Mommy", and my favorite of all "Its all your fault Mommy. You made daddy leave".
I have friends that try their best to understand, and they say their kids say the same things. I understand that. The only difference is that the harsh words can be divided by the two parents at any given time. A child can "hate" one parent and think the other one is their favorite at the same time. A child can "hate" one parent one day, then the next day "hate" the other.
When all of your childs feelings, love, anger, hate, fear, sadness are directed at one single parent, it can tear you apart form the inside out. Usually there is no time to even reover from one emotion.
Holy Cow!!!! I am rambling today.... I must have a lot to get off my chest....
I am going to continue here. Hopefully meet some other single parents from this. Maybe let at least one other single parent know they arent alone....
I dont know...
Here is us being silly. I try to get as many moments of this as possible....
